|
[19 Sep 2003|11:19pm] |
god I've gained back ten pounds. I'm a cow. fuck me. I need help. wHY CAN'T i stop the eating???????
how do you all stop the eating?
|
|
|
[14 Sep 2003|01:38am] |
I b/p tonight. Hard.
I haven't updated in forever. I thought i was getting away from this obsession but I was just lying to myself.
|
|
|
[23 Aug 2003|01:56am] |
I haven't posted in awhile. I've been better. It's been nice.
Anyway I'll update soon. I promise. I do miss you guys!
|
|
|
[29 Jul 2003|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
I lost a pound!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! So it was only a pound, but it was *SO* nice to finally see the scale drop a little!! I haven't been able to break the 169 (which equals 165.. my jeans and shoes weigh about four pounds) barrior for a month and to *finally* see the scale go down to 168 was like a miricle! I Hope more good things come.
I'm not really eating much. I'm on this fruit diet and I really can't take that much fruit, so I'm just not eating much dinner. I had some peanut butter actually, so that I could make sure to get in some protien. I'm a little hungry, but not so hungry that I *have* to eat. I can make it until breakfast without food and it's not good to eat late anyway.
|
|
| Tomorrow |
[27 Jul 2003|11:28pm] |
Tomorrow I start my fruit and veggie diet. I'm really excited, although I know it's going to be hard.
Anyway, it's late. Just wanted to say I'm still alive!
|
|
|
[21 Jul 2003|07:09pm] |
well, I haven't lost anything in a few weeks now. It's getting depressing. I don't know if it's because I'm suddenly doing atkins wrong, or because I've adjusted to it, or because my body just doesn't want to lose anymore weight.
BUT I DO! I want to get down to those pants again. I have to. It's important. I'm thinking of going on a week of only fruits and veggies. At least that seems healthy and should be low cal. Has anyone tried that? Does it work?
I did get new jeans. Size 12. That's down from my last few pairs which were size 13-14. Only a little while longer I hope to get down to the size 11s. Then the tens. then I'll be happy. I hope.
|
|
|
[06 Jul 2003|11:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
So I purged today. I went out to dinner with my parents and boyfriend to this all-you-can-eat brazilian place. You know what that means. PIG OUT! and i did. it was so good. there were tons of meats and they walk around to your table and slice you off a bit of each one. There was also a salad bar so i had a lot of salad, fruit, and green beans. I love green beans.
Anyway, I got home and I wasn't going to purge - I just said I wouldn't eat anything else today. But then I still felt so bloated and gross that I just had to. So I did. And I felt better.
I also went and rode the bike for an hour! I'm proud of that. And just like I said, I haven't eaten again today.
I picked up a book called "stick figure" at the store on friday. I started it today and it's pretty good. I'll let ya'll know what I think when I finish. I picked it because I couldn't find "Wasted".
|
|
|
[05 Jul 2003|02:54am] |
|
My god I had a good night. followed by massive drunk puking.. and then binging on cookie cake. BAD JENN.. BAD...................
|
|
| Tonight |
[04 Jul 2003|03:09am] |
Well, here is today's story:
I was doing ok today until my cell phone totally jacked up. I noticed as I was leaving work. Mind you, the phone is only 3 months old, cost 250 bucks, and it's now broken. I'm pissed off and freaking out. I go to the store to see what i can do, and I end up having to call people. I find out I have to mail my phone to people to get it repaired or replaced. However, if there is water damange it's all null and void.
Yes, I remember that the FUCKING WAITER spilled water on my purse at Chili's today. If that fucked up my phone, I'm going to be pissed off.
So all I can think about is eating some icecream - a pint - and purging. I wanted to purge. I needed to purge.
I go to HEB and the mother fuckers don't have a single pint there. I decide I'll go to krogers. At this time I call my boyfriend to see where he's at, and find out that although I *THOUGHT* he'd be hanging out with his bro at his mom's, he brought his brother back to our apartment.
That means no binge and purge. I just go home, more pissed off than I already was.
Fast forward to later on. We're at the bar. I cheat on my Atkin and have a sandwich. I'm drunk. I'mhaving fun. boyfriend and I do this 'hyper bowling' game and that ends up being hard as fuck for me. My arms still hurt from trying to roll that damn ball.
So I finally give up. I'm totally failing even though I'm trying so hard. Guy friend comes up and does it right the first time, to whcih another guy there say, "Oh look, ******* can do it."
I nearly cried. I tried so hard and to hear that crushed me. I walked as fast as I could to the bar bathroom, sat down on the floor and cried. And then I purged. Anything that was in me. It felt good. I felt better. I was better than him.
I needed to share that.
|
|
| Not as good |
[01 Jul 2003|10:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
Today was a not a good day. I didn't eat much, compared to what I was packing in just last week, but otherwise, today sucked.
Food rundown: 2 eggs for breakfast (140 cals), in some butter (... uh..60 we'll guess), salad (15 cals), chicken (110 cals), cheese (110 cals), and dressing (30 cals) for lunch, and a cheeseburger (370 cals) for dinner.
so that brings me to 835 calories for the day. I can't believe I've eaten that little lately. It's a major turn around.
( I think it's because )
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2003|05:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pleased |
] |
Six pounds. I have lost six pounds this week doing my Atkins, purging a bit, and exercising. I am ecstatic. I hope this continues. I will make this continue!
I am going to exercise today and then wednesday we're playing volleyball. I'll probably try and work out again on Thursday. Not sure about Friday or saturday yet. I'm trying to ease into this, but now that I've finally kick-started my ass in gear, I really want to get going.
My selfcontrol has SKYROCKETED since making this account. I mean, I already learned a good deal of self control with my first go around of Atkins - all that not eating carbs all the time. Now i'm really trying to 'cut back' some of the calories too.
Today I had 2 eggs (140 cals) instead of an egg and a sausage for breakfast (would have been much more like 400-500 cals). For lunch, I did splurge a bit on the cheese (275 cals), but the rest of lunch was only around 170-180 cals (chicken bits, salad and non-fat dressing). For dinner I had six chicken wings and some ranch. Probably high on the calories, but I only let myself have six, and I will burn off the cals with a workout.
*proud*
|
|
| I think is realistic |
[29 Jun 2003|10:32pm] |
Weight Goal Stats
Current Weight
Your weight is 170 lb as of 06/29/2003.
Weight Goal
Your goal is to weigh 135 lb by 12/31/2003
Goal Progress
You are currently 35 lb above the target weight.
The deadline for your goal is 185 days (26 weeks, 3 days) away.
To meet your goal you need to lose about 1.32 lb per week.
|
|
|
[29 Jun 2003|10:24pm] |
So I checked my stats today at fitday.com
I've eaten 733 calories which is 2 eggs, some cheese, 6 oz of chicken, 3 cups of salad, and 3 tbsp of caeser dressing. Of course, i had to estimate some of the portions, but even if I was off a little, it should still be around there.
Then, according to their fitness thing:
Calories Burned Today
source cals % total
Total: 2889
Basal: 1595 55%
Lifestyle: 1011 35%
Activities: 282 10%
I have burned 2889 calories... that seems a little high, although the basal and activities are right, so I'm at least at ~ 1900 and I ate less than that.
Tomorrow is scale day. I've forced myself not to weight myself all week at work (I don't have my own scale, but I frequent the one at work), so that I might see some results on monday. I'll let you know!
|
|
|
[29 Jun 2003|11:47am] |
I haven't eaten nearly anything in 24 hours. I can't remember the last time I went that long without food.
It's just that I usually don't eat much when my boyfriend isn't around, and last night I never got hungry. When he got home from work, he wasn't hungry either, so I figured he'd get hungry later, and then we'd eat. Well, it got later and later, and finally when he was hungry, he just wanted pizza.
Well, I can't eat pizza, as it's not on my diet, so I just didn't eat. So now it's the next day, and here I am. I'm not hungry still. I Just have a headache, which I'm assuming is because I haven't eaten. I should probably go make breakfast.
Ug..
|
|
|
[27 Jun 2003|06:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
Ug, I just ate 2 things of cheese and a beef stick. I checked, and it comes out to be about 270 calories. That's more than I ate for lunch! But I was *SO* hungry and we aren't going out to dinner for another few hours.
I don't have the willpower to not eat. I know that. I don't know why I'm bothering to even count the damn calories because I know they are going to be rediculous.
Still, carb count for the day is only around 12 grams or so. I can handle that.
|
|
| Calories |
[27 Jun 2003|05:10pm] |
I went and did a calorie count thing for the day, just to see what my meal was today:
713 calories, although I'm not sure if i picked the right type of sausage for breakfast. It's whatever the people at work have. I usually have ranch and some cheese on my salad too though, which would put me at 1062 calories.
And I haven't had dinner yet. Wow, how much do I eat in a day? Maybe I should cut that piece of sausage out?
Still, the good news is that my carb count is 9 even though the calories are normally high, and that's a good thing, because that's how Atkins works. I've made a promise to swear off the scale until monday - it's not good to check your progress every single day right.
|
|
|
[26 Jun 2003|11:00pm] |
|
Ah, fuck it. I purged anyway. I was shocked at how much came up. It's been awhile since I've had a ton of experience at this. It felt good though.
I hate saying that, but it did.
|
|
|
[26 Jun 2003|10:42pm] |
Ug, I want to binge and purge, and yet, I don't want to eat anything. I'm stuck between feeling guilty if I eat anything, and wanting to purge. I haven't eaten in hours though, so I think purging right now would be rather futile, meaning I need to eat if I want to purge... but I don't want to eat. It's like a damn oxymoron.
i need some friends too..... :(
|
|
| First Post |
[26 Jun 2003|08:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
Ok, wow, I finally got my new journal set up, and I'm ready to post. I purged today while at work. It was like a power thing. I think that I feel so out of control in my job, and so useless, that purging is a power thing. A control thing. I can control it.
I have been thinking about making myself another journal, a place where I could just talk about this stuff without the fear of someone I know finding out. Because it would get back to the people I know in RL. They are part of my group - and I just can't have that right now.
I nearly relapsed a while ago. I don't want to go into the reasons why yet, but I suppose I will eventually. Might lock those up. Might not. This whole journal for just something like this is new for me. I don't know how often I'll even post here.
I also wanted to join a few communities, just to see what they were like, but I'm not sure which ones yet. I also hope to make some friends - people that are going through this type of ordeal as well.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thinmintz's journal